how much should we change for love?


good article

i need to start posting stuff when i'm actually awake and have valid things to write.

...i feel for ping...

but i don't quite feel fake

i heard a song on the radio today and thought
"....yeah... that's right"
but now i can't remember it...

i hate it when that happens.

i'm still going to look for it.

go to the 3:30

i just spent some time with "friends"
and now i am tired
and alone....

*sigh*

"We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect."

~Alanis Morissette

*sigh*
i'm tired...
from and of so may things....

.... comforting song....
.... and one i really need to keep in mind....

.... sometimes i wonder if i was just a rebound girl....

sometimes...
late at night...
when i'm crying...
i just need that someone special to me...
to hold me...
and tell me everything is fine....
and that i'm loved....
and that i will always be loved...
no matter what....

.... that's the time to turn to god....

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you

And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

... but it still hurts....

.... happy birthday to me....

so close
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.
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but yet sooooo far....
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.
*sigh*

Michael Hosea
Sayoran
Ed Bloom
Wolf
Gilbert Blithe
Prince Philip
Westley
Jacob (gen. 29:20)
Chandler Bing
Ashitaka
V
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.
*sigh*
just had to get them out there.

no, i don't want to play nice.

when you abide in me
then i'll abide in you
my words in your heart
child believe
that when you seek me face
and make me your first love
then all of the rest
will be taken care of.

"...bring me java, bring me joy..."

*heart drops into stomach which drops to feet*
.
.
.
.
*sigh*

when am i going to stop crying?
when am i going to stop hurting?
.
.
.
.
.
i want to go back to bed and never get out....

"... can anybody find me somebody to love?..."

you ever watch a movie and a line hits you?
or read a book and a paragraph stands out?
or hear a song in a way you never had before?
.
.
.
.

nothing is hitting me.
nothing stands out.
i've heard it all before.
.
.
.

*sigh*