It's amazing how much you miss someone when you realize that they are gone forever.

Happy Christmas!

And finals are over with!

FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOM!

In other news, I think I'm growing up just a little bit.
It's nice.

verbal vomit, yet another form of procrastination

and even when you think of the good and you start thinking about how you loved him and sacrificed so much you need to take him out of the picture. the best way to do that, i think, is by reassuring yourself that you are a great person that knows how to really care for someone. when you love, you LOVE. and that means whoever really falls in love with you is the luckiest person alive, and on the flipside, you are the luckiest person alive to be able to provide that

i think i deserve an apology.

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.
~Cynthia Nelms~

i'm trying cynthia

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
~Henry Ford~

yeah, yeah, yeah. i'll get back to homework eventually....

God will supply all your real needs.
~Unknown~

*sigh*

It's amazing how much stuff you can get out of old posts, and to see how much you have been through and changed.

I think the universe is trying to tell me something......

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.
~Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks pro basketball team~

minus the beard.

From xkcd:

To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go;
To right the unrightable wrong.
To love, pure and chaste, from afar,
To try, when your arms are too weary,
To reach the unreachable star!

gotta keep trudging on...

late night convos

the good is in you. wow that sounds cheesy. but like everything about how you said you changed, and the important things you learned to better yourself and your relationships in the future
....
and even when you think of the good and you start thinking about how you loved him and sacrificed so much you need to take him out of the picture. the best way to do that, i think, is by reassuring yourself that you are a great person that knows how to really care for someone. when you love, you LOVE. and that means whoever really falls in love with you is the luckiest person alive, and on the flipside, you are the luckiest person alive to be able to provide that

thanks.
i'll keep it in mind.

Oh Megatokyo, how I love thee! ^_^

You are a douche
for making me feel
I wasn't worth it.


I AM

....I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity....

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do....

*mental note: you need to figure stuff out.*

"Just breathe....."


So this movie is basically amazing if it wasn't for Drew Barrymore. Any other actress in the lead role would be better.

And my views on that post haven't changed.

.... you just keep on trying till you run out of cake....

It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others. - Sidney J. Harris

Good quotes from Disney Movie Marathon yesterday

"Faint hearts never won fair lady."
~Robin Hood

The Emperor of China: The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
Shang: Sir?
The Emperor of China: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty.

Aladdin: Princess Jasmine, you're very...
Genie: Wonderful! Magnificent! Glorious!... Punctual!
Aladdin: Punctual!
Jasmine: Punctual?
Genie: Sorry.
Aladdin: Uh... uh... beautiful!
Aladdin: Nice recovery.

Meg: [singing] Ohhhhh, at least out loud I won't say I'm in love.

Widdow Tweed: We met it seems, such a short time ago. You looked at me, needing me so. Yet from your sadness, our happiness grew. Then I found out, I needed you, too. I remember how we used to play. I recall those rainy days, the fires glowed, that kept us warm. And now I find, we're both alone. Goodbye may seem forever, farewell is like the end. But in my heart's a memory, and there you'll always be.

Goofy: You're my son, Max. No matter how big you get, you'll always be my son.

Bagheera:You wouldn't marry a panther, would you?
Baloo: I don't know. Come to think of it, no panther ever asked me.

Bob: [shouts] I can't lose you again!
[calms down]
Bob: I can't. Not again. I'm not s-strong enough.
Helen: [kisses him] If we work together, you won't have to be.

*taps microphone*

Attention, attention please.
I have a special announcement:

*blows raspberry*

That is all.

John 17:20-26

...Sleep hath its own world,
And a wide realm of wild reality,
And dreams in their development have breath,
And tears, and tortures, and the touch of joy;
They leave a weight upon our waking thoughts,
They take a weight from off waking toils,
They do divide our being; they become
A portion of ourselves as of our time,
And look like heralds of eternity;
They pass like spirits of the past -they speak
Like sibyls of the future; they have power -
The tyranny of pleasure and of pain;...

*update*

Michael Hosea (redeeming love)
Sayoran (tsubasa chronicles)
Ed Bloom (big fish)
Wolf (10th kingdom)
Gilbert Blithe (anne of green gables)
Prince Philip (sleeping beauty)
Westley (princess bride)
Jacob (gen. 29:20)
Will (his dark materials trilogy)
Chandler Bing (friends)
Ashitaka (princess mononoke)
V (v for vendetta)

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

~Tom Lehrer

this is cute,
and speaks to the hopeless romantic in me.

"You're killing me Smalls!"

“If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”

Roman 14:8

The path that I'm walking, I must go alone
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown,
full grown.
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending do they
And I for see the dark ahead if I stay

ummm....

will you please just fall off the face of the earth and out of my memory?

k thanks.

i'm going to erase most of the quotes from facebook, but don't want to loose them, so i'm going to put them here:

Jerimiah 29:11

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
~Mark Twain

I reject your reality and substitute my own. ~Adam Savage

"A few tears, and that's all" ~Morrie Schwartz

Pastor: We're like the holy trinity; I'm the father, Paige is like the holy spirit and Shawn...
Shawn: Oh great, your going to sacrifice me, aren't you?

Amy: I don't even know what an RPG is.
Jen: Wait, I know, it means Role Playing Game, right? So, like Dungeons and Dragons?
Hope: Dungeons and Dragons is not an RPG
Jen: Yes it is!
Hope: No it isn't! ...Is it?
Me: *banging my head on the table in front of me* Yes, it is an RPG.

Oh my gosh!!!! I just read this tea-bag and thought it said: 'Orgasmic Bigot'! ~Sarah

I heard on the radio people talking about how great the title "Snakes on a plane" is. I thought about calling in and saying "No it's not!" I mean, that's like calling [V for Vendetta] "Guy who wears a mask because he was horribly burnt"! ~Anna's sister

Everyone loves naked Indians ~Nate

Me: (talking about Rocky Balboa) It was a good ending to a great legacy.
Alyssa: That means he dies.
Jen: Or gets a disease
Katie: Or has a baby.

Me: Guys, I don't know what to do about my classes.
Luke: Punch the professor in the face.
Me: No, I can't do that, she's pregnant.
Luke: Oh, you're right. You have to punch her in the stomach.

Blood on the doily, blood on the door! Blood in the kitchen and blood on the floor! ~Nate

And I would be looking at him and just be thinking "I love you" but then tell him "Let's go eat some raisin bran" ~Anna



.:Guatemala Quotes:.

Tessie: Wait, do you need wireless to write your paper?
Me:.... no, but I want it.
Tessie: Well, I want the crepe-boy...

Tessie: The crepe boy is so beautiful!
Me: But he´s French.
Tessie: I´m a liberal pacifist, I can handle a French man.

Me: Yeah, I think the crepe-boy looks french.
Tessie: Really, I always thought of french men having bad teeth and big noses. I think a better definition for him would be "the definition of male beauty".

I'm not lusting, I'm just admiring God's beautiful creation of mankind. ~Tessie

I hate your tounge ~ Marissa talking to Drew

I´m toilet paper?! ~Tessie

Me: Entertainment, that´s all I´m good for.
Tessie: And reproducing!

It's so hard to live in Guatemala when you mildly fall in love with every brown eyed man... and some women! ~Tessie

There is only one reason a person gets excited about triple minutes, and it's not to call family. ~Daysung

I think that size really matters ~Tessie

You only like me for my pool ~ Bethany

Jesus was the best prankster ever. I mean, look at the resurrection: "Hey guy's, I'm dead. Wait, just kidding, I'm not!" ~Seth

*sings* I got you babe... 'cuz there ain't no mountain hight enough. ~Drew

Becky: Mas frijoles.
Me: For what?
Becky: For life

sakura and syaoran!!!!!


and the song isn't that bad.

that's what happenes when you randomly search "don't want to be your friend lyrics" on google because you weren't sure how to express yourself,
and thought that you're sure there's some song out there that has the words you lack...
*is that pathetic at all?*

Dream
When you're feeling blue
Dream
That's the thing to do
Just watch the smoke rings rise in the air
You'll find your share of memories there

So, dream when the day is through
Dream and they might come true
Things never are as bad as they seem
So dream, dream, dream

Dream
Just watch the smoke rings rise in the air
You'll find your share of memories there

So, dream
Things never are as bad as they seem
So dream, dream, dream

~Dream
Michael Buble

... and it helps...
.... just a little bit....

girls... this is for you

and i know one guy who should read this

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
~Charles M. Schulz

and sometimes chocolate is better.

i want good dreams again.

not these ones that have false hopes
or reminds me of things that i can't have
or situations that won't happen
or that just get me upset.

i'd like to wake up
and not having a sick feeling in my stomach.



*sigh*
maybe that's too much to ask for.

Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break.

Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't.

Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it.

Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down.

~Dr. Cox, Scrubs

Character is the sum and total of a person's choices.
~P. B. Fitzwater~

i am going to sing this to my child when i have one:

For once in my life
I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once unafraid
I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I'll be strong
For once I can touch
What my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Could make my dream come true
For once in my life
I won't let sorrow hurt me
Not like it's hurt me before
For once I've got someone
I know won't desert me
I'm not alone anymore
For once I can say
This is mine, you can't take it
As long as I've got love
I know I can make it
For once in my life
I've got someone who needs me

"For Once In My Life"
originally by Ron Miller
(i heard it from Michael Buble
who is pretty much amazing)

you think you're fine.
you think you're over it.
then....

*WHAM*


...nope.
and it sucks.

some days i feel like just giving up...
but then i force the sentence
"everything is going to be ok."
even if i don't believe it.

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.
He who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything.
~Thomas Fuller~

i was watching crimson tide and felt like crying

not because of it's story....

but because of mine.




*sigh* the music is amazing...
but...
*sigh*

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
~Augusten Burroughs

....too bad the road to hell is paved with good intentions....

i feel like i've had a little bit of an enlightenment....

i need to figure everything out for myself,
not go on what i learn from other people
or what other people find interesting,
but to find my own interesting things.


it's deeper than that, but i don't know how to put it in words.
i'll blame my headache.

To be matter of fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy -- and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.
~Robert Heinlein~

"...i would never wish bad things, but i don't wish you well...."

*sigh*
slowly, slowly, very slowly....

little by little...

i hate money
and i feel stupid

...I'm in no rush
Maybe I've learned
Playing with matches
A girl can get burned...

3rd degree i'd say...

i haven't changed much since being a child.

my mom told me that as i child,
i liked to just sit back and observe.

and i still do.
and i don't know if that will ever change.

and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

~Pablo Neruda

the whole poem here


if i could....
i would scream this to you.
but i don't think that i could...
and i highly doubt that i even could...
no matter how much i would want to.

....ultimate paradox...


i hate.....
but i love....
and at both extremes....



i definitely don't love this paradox....

...sometimes, i feel like i was nothing....
and it makes me wonder....
will i ever be something?

i know i will....
but it's hard to feel like it....

"I've been so afraid of the bad things that I missed out on the good."
~Samantha, Now and Then

I don't want that to happen to me. *thoughtful sigh*

~me, sept 16, 2006

i need to remember that....

how much should we change for love?


good article

i need to start posting stuff when i'm actually awake and have valid things to write.

...i feel for ping...

but i don't quite feel fake

i heard a song on the radio today and thought
"....yeah... that's right"
but now i can't remember it...

i hate it when that happens.

i'm still going to look for it.

go to the 3:30

i just spent some time with "friends"
and now i am tired
and alone....

*sigh*

"We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect."

~Alanis Morissette

*sigh*
i'm tired...
from and of so may things....

.... comforting song....
.... and one i really need to keep in mind....

.... sometimes i wonder if i was just a rebound girl....

sometimes...
late at night...
when i'm crying...
i just need that someone special to me...
to hold me...
and tell me everything is fine....
and that i'm loved....
and that i will always be loved...
no matter what....

.... that's the time to turn to god....

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you

And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

... but it still hurts....

.... happy birthday to me....

so close
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
but yet sooooo far....
.
.
.
.
*sigh*

Michael Hosea
Sayoran
Ed Bloom
Wolf
Gilbert Blithe
Prince Philip
Westley
Jacob (gen. 29:20)
Chandler Bing
Ashitaka
V
.
.
.
.
.
.
*sigh*
just had to get them out there.

no, i don't want to play nice.

when you abide in me
then i'll abide in you
my words in your heart
child believe
that when you seek me face
and make me your first love
then all of the rest
will be taken care of.

"...bring me java, bring me joy..."

*heart drops into stomach which drops to feet*
.
.
.
.
*sigh*

when am i going to stop crying?
when am i going to stop hurting?
.
.
.
.
.
i want to go back to bed and never get out....

"... can anybody find me somebody to love?..."

you ever watch a movie and a line hits you?
or read a book and a paragraph stands out?
or hear a song in a way you never had before?
.
.
.
.

nothing is hitting me.
nothing stands out.
i've heard it all before.
.
.
.

*sigh*

*insert confusion, doubt, restlessness, uncertainty, and all other negative things here*

Here you go God.
I can't handle it anymore.
You take it. I don't want it.

it's 9:40 and i've already been up for over two hours.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...this sucks...

*sigh* i hate being alone.

why do i have to learn things the hard way?

there's no place like home...
there's no place like home...
there's no place like home...

where did i put those ruby slippers?!?!

so tell me, what do i do with this backpack full of bricks and sticks and stones and words that stuck to me like ticks?...

let it go, let it be
brick by brick you can be free
of all the words that we said till we were our own
enemies...
let it be

A happy childhood is poor preparation for human contacts.

~Colett

Happy half-way day

Don Diego: This is called a training circle, a master's wheel. This circle will be your world, your whole life. Until I tell you otherwise, there is nothing outside of it.
Alejandro: Capitan Love is...
Don Diego: There is NOTHING outside of it. Captain Love does not exist until I say he exists. As your skill with the sword improves, you will progress to a smaller circle. With each new circle, your world contracts, bringing you that much closer to your adversary, that much closer to retribution.
Alejandro: I like that part.

~The Mask of Zorro

*Jesus,
Stay with me during the rest of my time here.
Help me to focus on you more, and not on other things that only cause me harm.

I say: He says

Ug...

What?

You know what.

Don't let it bother you.

But he...

Let it go.

But she....

Let it go.

But they....

Let it go! I have everything under control!

....*sigh* yeah, you do...

*When in doubt, pray*

You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard.

~Nicole Kidman as
Virginia Woolf in The Hours

I say: He says.

you don't want me...

Yeah, I do.

i'm not worth much...

You're worth life itself.

no one else wants me...

That doesn't matter, I still do.

i'm too much of a hassle...

Not to me.

i'll only cause you problems...

But you'll also bring me joy.

i'm broken...

I can fix you.

i'm selfish...

So am I, I only want you for myself.

i just want someone to depend on...

Depend on me.

i want to not be afraid....

Then put your trust in me.

i want to be loved...

I Love You.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

~George Carlin

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I want you to want me....

*sigh* my hopeless cry...

1 John 4:7-8

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

A realization...

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.

--George Moore

Connect the first two words and add a -da and it fits really well.

I´m coming to realize more and more that I don´t think that I can really truly live anywhere other than the U.S.

A Valentine's day song...

I find the map and draw a straight line

Over rivers, farms, and state lines

The distance from here to where you'd be

It's only finger-lengths that I see

I touch the place where I'd find your face

My finger in creases of distant dark places



I hang my coat up in the first bar

There is no peace that I've found so far

The laughter penetrates my silence

As drunken men find flaws in science



Their words mostly noises

Ghosts with just voices

Your words in my memory

Are like music to me



I'm miles from where you are,

I lay down on the cold gound

I, I pray that something picks me up

And sets me down in your warm arms



After I have travelled so far

We'd set the fire to the third bar

We'd share each other like an island

Until exhausted, close our eyelids

And dreaming, pick up from

The last place we left off

Your soft skin is weeping

A joy you can't keep in



I'm miles from where you are,

I lay down on the cold gound

And I, I pray that something picks me up

and sets me down in your warm arms



And miles from where you are,

I lay down on the cold gound

and I, I pray that something picks me up

and sets me down in your warm arms

~Snow Patrol
"Set Fire to the Third Bar"

Men...

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

~Jilly Cooper

To a point, this is true.

.... i miss mine...

The greatest sin is to waste a human life.

~Siddhartha Gautama
Buddha

... I don't know, I had spanish in it....

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

~Ronnie Shakes

If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport.

~George Winters

Words from a smart woman

I cannot comprehend making huge life decisions apart from faith. The Christian life is an ongoing blend of our will and God's will coming together to move. Yes, we surrender to God. But he gives us wants, desires, wishes, goals, dreams...all those things. When our will and God's will merge it is a beautiful thing. There peace and joy that comes when we move foreward knowing we aren't just driving foreward on "our personal agenda." Sometimes we drive foreward just out of obedience to God's agenda, and our heart isn't in it. And some times we have to deny ourselves things we want out of obedience. But most of the time, we move under the meshing of God's will and ours.

Change

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

~King Whitney Jr.

I am a little fearful, very hopeful, and need to be more confident.

Wow...

Liz: In the dark, I heard your voice. What did you say?
Hellboy: I said, "Hey, you, on the other side- let her go. Because for her I will cross over, and then you'll be sorry!"

Who knew Hellboy was such a charmer!

My "God loves you" song

You say your falling apart
Reached the end of the line
Just looking for your place in an ordinary life
No one calls you friend
No one even knows your name
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain

You no longer have to say
No one’s listening anyway

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ‘till it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

You’re wearing a frown
Given up on hope
My heart is reaching out
More than you will ever know
Is your burden too much?
Is it more than you can bear?
I’ll help carry the load if you’re willing to share

You no longer have to say
No one’s listening anyway

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ‘till it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

You have had some hard times
Had thorns placed in your side
I know about what you’ve been going through
Tears of pain are falling down
It hurts so bad you’re crying out
Your problems won’t last forever
Let me put you back together

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ‘till it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ‘till it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

~Cry on My Shoulder
Overflow

... just a few tears...

Random quote that seems to kinda work.

I write because I'm afraid to say some things out loud.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 03-13-05

P.S. Thanks Nate for actually responding to some of my posts.

Dear God,

Help me to be content with what I have right now.

~Amanda

pwned!

Matthew 22:34-40
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

So the Pharisees tried to trick Jesus with a question that they thought they could easily challenge and in doing so, embarrass him and ruining his reputation as a teacher. The thing is he had some 300+ laws to choose from, and so if he said one, then they could just respond as "Well, what about this law..." and his credibility would be questioned, therefore loosing some followers. But Jesus had the right answer. Completely backfired on them. ^_^