you think you're fine.
you think you're over it.
then....

*WHAM*


...nope.
and it sucks.

some days i feel like just giving up...
but then i force the sentence
"everything is going to be ok."
even if i don't believe it.

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.
He who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything.
~Thomas Fuller~

i was watching crimson tide and felt like crying

not because of it's story....

but because of mine.




*sigh* the music is amazing...
but...
*sigh*

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
~Augusten Burroughs

....too bad the road to hell is paved with good intentions....

i feel like i've had a little bit of an enlightenment....

i need to figure everything out for myself,
not go on what i learn from other people
or what other people find interesting,
but to find my own interesting things.


it's deeper than that, but i don't know how to put it in words.
i'll blame my headache.

To be matter of fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy -- and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.
~Robert Heinlein~

"...i would never wish bad things, but i don't wish you well...."

*sigh*
slowly, slowly, very slowly....

little by little...

i hate money
and i feel stupid

...I'm in no rush
Maybe I've learned
Playing with matches
A girl can get burned...

3rd degree i'd say...

i haven't changed much since being a child.

my mom told me that as i child,
i liked to just sit back and observe.

and i still do.
and i don't know if that will ever change.

and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

~Pablo Neruda

the whole poem here


if i could....
i would scream this to you.
but i don't think that i could...
and i highly doubt that i even could...
no matter how much i would want to.

....ultimate paradox...


i hate.....
but i love....
and at both extremes....



i definitely don't love this paradox....

...sometimes, i feel like i was nothing....
and it makes me wonder....
will i ever be something?

i know i will....
but it's hard to feel like it....

"I've been so afraid of the bad things that I missed out on the good."
~Samantha, Now and Then

I don't want that to happen to me. *thoughtful sigh*

~me, sept 16, 2006

i need to remember that....